As the world turns..

The past week has been blur. Filled with craziness. I have had indescribable emotions.
I worked last weekend (so I started the week tired) due to a schedule change I had 2 days off IN A ROW in the middle of the week. This NEVER happens. I decided to go see my grandsons. Oh, have they grown in the 4 weeks since I saw them last.


But before I left my husband and I started to talk about church, the diaconate and the need for us to come to terms with some things that are going on. With as crazy as the last year has been for us -this next year is looking to be as busy. So Todd will be looking to take a sabbatical from his church duties until things at work and home calm down. I really thought as our kids moved on after high school and college things would free us up to have more time for extra things rather then less time.
DH has always put God first, me second, the kids 3rd, his job 4th and the Diaconate last. There have been times (with need) this order has been out of step for a while but over the years he has managed to keep things in check. My job at the church? I have none. Of choice my role at church has been to support my husband. I was not ordained and I did not need to search for my role, many deacons wives search for their place in their husbands Deacon ministry. I have never needed to. I firmly see my role as one of love and support. This has always felt right for me. But it is hard to pull back. The only other time he has had to do this was the year our oldest son was dealing with cancer treatment.
So I went to our daughter's to see the grandbabies with my thoughts on many things. The drive allowed me to find a peace with the decision we have wrestled with - prayer and music helped!
And time with babies is always life nurturing and filled with blessing.
Arriving home I was met with some not totally unexpected news but news that reassured me that the past 2 days had been well worth my time for prayer, and that our plan is a good one. Now we need prayers that the Diocesan offices will see our need and grant the sabbatical.
I called in sick the day after I got home. My ears have been so plugged with occasional pain over the past 2 months and has gotten to the point that I went to the doctor. He does not think I have an ear infection but the amount of fluid behind my eardrum needs to be taken care of. So prednisone to help decrease the fluid and if this doesn't work I will likely need tubes to help equalize the pressure. The prednisone after 2 days seems to be helpng very little but I have 4 days left of the medicine... I really don't want tubes.

However I ended the week on a good note.
We celebrated my dad's 86th birthday on Friday evening.
My mom is recovering very well from her double knee surgery/
Saturday I was up early to go to the cities to meet with my brothers family to do the Cystic Fibrosis Climb for a Cure -IDS center 1028 steps, 50 stories. The team raised over 6000 dollars for CF. I have a niece and a nephew with CF -my niece has spent a lot of time in the hospital this past year and my nephew is hospitalized now and could not be at the climb. There is not much we can do for them but pray and support. And it felt good to be there to climb. I did not raise money this year other then what we donated ourselves. And my brother gave me the additional amount I needed to get a t-shirt. Funny guy ...I had donated on his goal and he handed off half of that for a t shirt. Next time I will do better. And I made it the entire way!!


I ended my week going to mass with my sister and her husband and then meeting up with another brother and sister-in-law for supper and then 7 out of nine of my sibs (and spouses) went to Church Basement Ladies A 2nd helping. It was a good time -we laughed we cried!! My sister Brenda laughed so hard we thought she laid an egg!!

The end of summer or all I can do is pray

I always have a hard time the end of August. No matter how many things we did with our kids through the summer I wished that we had more time together before school starts again. It was not easy to change thought process and get excited about getting ready for school to begin.

Excitement of new classes, getting back with friends not seen since summer began and the anticipation of new friends. Shopping for new shoes and the multitude of notebooks and folders each child needed.

Life did not change so much over the years. The kids left for college and the heartbreak of the end of summer was a little more since we would see them a lot less. But children grow up and we need to let go and pray for them always.
My oldest daughter was home twice this past week both times without her husband. The first time for a cousins wedding and the second time for a bridal shower for a cousin whose wedding she most likely miss. She is at 21 weeks with twins. When she left for her home it was another chapter ending the next time she walks into our house she will be bringing babies with her. I don't expect her back before March. Hopefully we will be able to go there a few times. In the meantime I will pray.

My oldest son shot his first wedding this month. The pictures turned out amazing. I am not certain what is in his future and I worry about his relationship commitment and his job. He is struggling with money and lives in our basement. Sometimes I think he would be better off if he moved out and other times I am glad he is here since his girlfriend is here every weekend and she sleeps on our sofa. (underlined they do not sleep together under our roof.) His girlfriend is a really nice young woman. She also struggles with jobs, currently lives with her parents and hates what she does. All I can do is pray.

Our youngest daughter is getting ready to move back to college. She will finish with degrees in communications and technical theater. I worry about her paying back school loans and making ends meet and friends. This young woman is so black and white in many of her views. She lives the farthest away right now -6 1/2 hours. She is 2+ hours farther then her sister. I worry about her future. All I can do is pray.

Our youngest son is watching his friends pack up for college. He told me yesterday he is "freaking" excited about his own plans. He has no regrets about his decision. Last night he went to Wicked with his girlfriend. This was the last thing they planned to do before she leaves for college next weekend. Well, going to the theater and breaking up. When they started dating 3 months ago they made plans for this breakup. My son is leaving in December for boot camp. He wanted this young woman to be able to go and meet people and do the college thing without worrying about her boyfriend in the Marine Corps. In my head I know they are making a good decision there will be no Dear John or Dear Jane letters. They may both meet someone else or God may bring them back together. In my heart I know that we cannot turn love off like a water faucet. This will be more difficult then either of them expects. All I can do is pray.

letter to my son

Dear Nick

I need to talk to you and I can never say the things that I want to when we are with you. Mostly because you are not approachable about things you do not want to talk about. You will get louder and drown us out. You will begin to argue without listening to the other side

I am not certain what you are looking for in life but I am seeing you always looking for something. The funny thing is I do not see you looking for someone. The first person you call is Jackie. The first person you think of is Jackie. You keep telling me she is not mature enough and she has to change. And she ticks you off. But the person you want most to be with is Jackie.

You need to make a decision about marriage. If you plan to spend the rest of your lives together - playing, celebrating, sharing, raising a family, growing old together and grieving. Then do it. What are you waiting for? You are already doing all of those things with Jackie. Other people have married to be together with far less material stuff then the 2 of you have. The perfect time will be never.

But a couple cannot live together outside of marriage and pretend to be married without damaging each other in the relationship because there is never a commitment to work things out. You may say ‘we are not living together’ I say you are. You have Jackie coming regularly to be with you -sharing your life. I know you keep your door open and she sleeps on the sofa. I have been told to not be naive. Should I not trust you? You are 24 and you have been brought up to know what is right and wrong.

If you love Jackie, as I think you do, then you should be making a commitment to spend your lives together. If you do not love Jackie then you should end the relationship. She should not be sleeping under our roof 3-4 nights of each week. We need to cut our ties because this will already be more painful than I can imagine (for me) I can’t imagine how ending this relationship would effect you. I have grown to love Jackie. I will celebrate if you marry I will cry if you separate.

Marriage is scary. Not knowing what the future holds is scary. Not having everything you want or desire is unfortunate.
Being together with the person you love is priceless.


Please make time to talk with me.
I love you
Mom