letter to my son

Dear Nick

I need to talk to you and I can never say the things that I want to when we are with you. Mostly because you are not approachable about things you do not want to talk about. You will get louder and drown us out. You will begin to argue without listening to the other side

I am not certain what you are looking for in life but I am seeing you always looking for something. The funny thing is I do not see you looking for someone. The first person you call is Jackie. The first person you think of is Jackie. You keep telling me she is not mature enough and she has to change. And she ticks you off. But the person you want most to be with is Jackie.

You need to make a decision about marriage. If you plan to spend the rest of your lives together - playing, celebrating, sharing, raising a family, growing old together and grieving. Then do it. What are you waiting for? You are already doing all of those things with Jackie. Other people have married to be together with far less material stuff then the 2 of you have. The perfect time will be never.

But a couple cannot live together outside of marriage and pretend to be married without damaging each other in the relationship because there is never a commitment to work things out. You may say ‘we are not living together’ I say you are. You have Jackie coming regularly to be with you -sharing your life. I know you keep your door open and she sleeps on the sofa. I have been told to not be naive. Should I not trust you? You are 24 and you have been brought up to know what is right and wrong.

If you love Jackie, as I think you do, then you should be making a commitment to spend your lives together. If you do not love Jackie then you should end the relationship. She should not be sleeping under our roof 3-4 nights of each week. We need to cut our ties because this will already be more painful than I can imagine (for me) I can’t imagine how ending this relationship would effect you. I have grown to love Jackie. I will celebrate if you marry I will cry if you separate.

Marriage is scary. Not knowing what the future holds is scary. Not having everything you want or desire is unfortunate.
Being together with the person you love is priceless.


Please make time to talk with me.
I love you
Mom